How to honor a loved one who has died, as you welcome a new baby

Birth and death often go hand in hand. This is often true for families who are welcoming a new little one while mourning the loss of someone they love – often a parent or another ancestor. Here are some ideas of how you can incorporate that loved one’s memory into your birth and early postpartum experience.

Honoring your loved one through labor/birth:

1. Bring a photo of your loved one to your birthing place.
2. Use your loved one’s mottos or funny sayings as mantras through preparation for birth.
3. Wearing an item of clothing or jewelry from your loved one at the start of labor, or incorporate it into newborn photos.
4. Using her loved one’s name as inspiration for your child’s name or nickname.
5. (depending on your beliefs about superstition, this may not be for you:) Visit your loved one’s grave while you are in early labor to connect with them or to pray.
6. Bring a bouquet of flowers to your loved one’s grave and a matching bouquet to your birthing space.
7. Commission a custom candle to be made in memoriam of your loved one for you to burn while in labor. (friendly reminder that if you are giving birth at the hospital, you should plan to burn the candle at home during early labor as hospitals will not allow you to burn candles.)
8. Ask your loved one’s friends and family to be a part of your birth experience: for example, to pray for you, give you a bead for a remembrance necklace, or write you notes to read while in labor.

Sharing a loved one’s memory with your new baby:

1. Make a playlist of songs your loved one liked, or songs that remind you of your loved one, and play them for your baby. You could even make this a regular occurrence — linking it with tummy time or mealtime.
2. If you have a recording of your loved one’s voice, play that for the baby.
3. (Depending on your beliefs about cemeteries) Bring your baby to your loved one’s grave to introduce them.
4. Invite your loved one’s family and friends to a welcome party for your new little one.
5. Tell your baby stories about your loved one.

Sharing your loved one’s memory as baby gets older:

1. When your baby is learning how to use their hands, have them help you plant a tree or other plant in honor of your loved one.
2. Cook your loved one’s favorite meal with your baby.
3. Show your baby any videos or photos you have of your loved one.
4. Buy flowers with your baby for your loved one’s grave or other place of rest.
5. Show your baby how to draw pictures and write letters to your loved one.

What ideas would you add? Comment below!

Photo by Caroline Attwood on Unsplash