Whether to try again after a loss is a complicated, painful, and confusing decision. When you are experiencing intense grief, figuring out what you think about being “TTA” (trying to avoid) or “TTC” (trying to conceive) can be hard enough, let alone discussing that with your partner and making a plan of action. And yet, some people experience ovulation within two weeks of a loss, so making a decision can seem urgent.
Couples can try again right away or wait for years after a loss, and personally, I think either option and anything between can make a lot of sense. If you’re trying to make your plan, here are five questions for you to consider. I hope they help you find peace in your decision.
1. How is the couple doing as a unit? For example, some couples use time TTA after a loss to deepen their connection with each other. Other couples are driven more by the possibility of expanding their family and choose to TTC soon or even immediately.
2. How is each individual within the partnership doing? Sometimes both partners are on the same page, but this might not be the case. For example, sometimes one partner needs more time for healing than the other. Or, sometimes one partner is excited to try again.
3. What medical considerations are there? Especially if there is a reason given for a loss, some couples may decide to try to resolve such an issue before trying again (for example, pursuing NaProTech interventions for a hormonal issue). Other considerations such as age might help a couple decide to try again more quickly.
I encourage you to talk with your care provider about the medical considerations. Your care provider might recommend pelvic rest (such as avoiding sex) if you have experienced a recent surgical procedure (such as a dilation and curettage). And, you might want to talk to your care provider about how levels of pregnancy hormones (specifically, human chorionic gonadotropin, or “hCG”) could affect your chances of conceiving.
4. What material considerations are there? If a complicated pregnancy or loss has depleted the family’s resources, they may determine that it is not the right time for them to begin trying again.
5. What does the couple feel called to do?
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None of these are questions I can answer for you. Only the individuals in the couple, both separately and together, can answer these questions. I hope that they help you formulate a plan that brings you peace.
Abby the Sociologist Doula 