How to ask four doula interview questions you don’t know how to ask

There may be things you want to know about your potential doula that come off as, well, awkward to ask.

“So, do you, like, actually help with stuff or is this just an oxytocin vampire situation?”

I’ve got you. Here is how to ask four doula interview questions you don’t know how to ask.

#1

If your real question is,

“Will you come up with creative things to help in XYZ situation, or will you just tell me what I find on the internet?” 

(so this could mean for labor stalling, positioning, etc.), 

try asking: 

“What are your go-to strategies in XYZ situation?” 

This will give you some insight not only on what they’ll tell you but also on how they think through problems. Also, if you ask about their credentials (i.e., “Have you taken a Spinning Babies training?”), you’ll get some info about what they’ve learned but not about how they apply it. 

#2

If your real question is, 

“Is this doula reliable?”

AND ALSO

“How do I pick a doula who won’t burn out?”, 

try asking: 

“When do you call in your backup, and how do you make that decision?” 

This is a question that will highlight to you a couple of things: on one end, how likely it’ll be that you’ll get the doula you hired vs their backup, and on the other end, how attentive to self-care your doula will be. 

Doulas have very different expectations when it comes to on-call times. Some doulas might use a backup every Saturday morning off so they can attend their child’s soccer games; some doulas might rely on a backup while they’re teaching childbirth education classes; and some doulas might only call in a backup in unexpected situations, such as getting ill. I think as long as two conditions are met, any of these strategies can be ethical: 1) the client has to clearly understand the expectations, and 2) there should be a backup doula unless the client has waived the right to a backup doula. (I had a client waive this once because they couldn’t find another doula who was cautious enough for their comfort levels around covid, and I was leading the yearly bereavement retreat one of the weekends I would’ve been on call for them. Only time that’s ever happened.)

I do NOT think the goal is to find a doula who’s never called in a backup. In fact, if that doula’s been practicing a long time, never calling in a backup is an orangeish-not-quite-red-but-close flag to me. There are times when calling in a backup is the RIGHT thing to do for a client. For example, my default is to call in a backup around hour 24 of a long birth. I need to take care of my body, and my clients and I will both benefit at that point if a fresh doula arrives. Now, that backup might take over for me at that point, or they might give me an 8-hour break. But in either case, that rested doula full of energy is going to be better for my clients than exhausted me. 

So, asking a doula when they call in a backup and how they make that decision will give you some insight on how frequently they call in a backup (“Only if I have covid or get in a car accident” vs “I have a backup every Thursday afternoon” vs “I don’t have a backup, what’s a backup?”) and on whether they’re ready to call in a backup if a backup would actually be better for you.

#3

If your real question is, 

“The doula’s website talks about supporting births that I don’t want to have. Will they try to push their ideology on me?”, 

try asking,

“How do you respond when a doula client makes a decision that you disagree with? Or how about when they make a decision you think is morally wrong?” 

That’ll give you insight on what their default is. Especially the “morally wrong” question.

#4

If your real question is, 

“Will this doula be as active as I want them to be?”, 

try asking, 

“How hands-on / hands-off are you typically at a birth?” 

Be sure to say BOTH “hands-on / hands-off” so you’re not insinuating the answer you’re looking for. There are awesome hands-on doulas and awesome hands-off doulas, but you know you need a more hands-on, so this could be a good way to assess fit (not skill). 

What other questions do you want to ask your potential doula, but not know how to ask? Comment below!