I’ll occasionally hear folks talk about how they want to hire the most experienced doula – the one who has been doing doula work for the most years or supported at births.
Sometimes, making a hiring decision based on this metric is actually not a good idea, for a few reasons.
One reason is specialty:
experienced doulas often find a niche and focus on serving those clients.
Chances are good that you aren’t in that niche for all of your most experienced local doulas. What if the most experienced doula in your area only supports homebirth, and you’re planning to give birth at a hospital? What if the most experienced doula in your area specializes in epidurals, and you’re planning to go med-free? That’s not the right doula for you.
The most experienced doula, whose experience is in something you don’t want or need, isn’t the right doula for you.
A second reason not to hire the most experienced doula comes down to what many folks consider to be conventional experience – having given birth themselves.
I’ve heard people talk about how they wouldn’t hire – or trust – a doula who hasn’t given birth. The rationale is that someone who has experienced birth is a more experienced doula. But that idea actually comes from a misunderstanding about what the role of a doula is. A doula is a supporter, above all else. Our biggest supporters in life can often be people who haven’t done the thing we’ve set out to do. And the same can be true of giving birth.
A doula who has never given birth may be a far better supporter
than a doula who has given birth and has decided that this experience makes them more qualified to support someone else.
Further, just because someone has experienced a birth (or fifteen) does not mean that they’re now prepared to support every type of birth. Birth is wild and different, even in different pregnancies for the same person.
The experience of giving birth, even in ten different ways, does not prepare someone to support another person through the eleventh kind of birth.
But there’s actually even an argument in the reverse of these that I’ve mentioned. Doulas who haven’t given birth (or haven’t had a birth similar to their client’s unfolding birth) often carry less emotional baggage around similar or different situations that arrive for their clients. I know I have noticed this in my own practice. Since giving birth to my daughter, I’ve worked harder to ensure that my default settings don’t automatically come from my own birth experience or hopes. When I worked as a doula before my daughter was born, I didn’t need to consider that as much.
All in all, someone giving birth doesn’t automatically qualify them to support someone else giving birth (and in some cases, it might even make it harder for them to do so without judgment).
So, if you’re looking for a doula with experience:
experience in terms of years worked or births attended may not be the best marker of the right doula for you,
and a doula’s own personal fertility history isn’t going to provide you an obvious answer either.
What should you look for instead?
If you’re looking for experience, look for someone’s experience supporting others. (For example, a doula who has never attended a birth before but has spent time working as a chaplain has very relevant doula-related experience.) You can ask questions such as
“How many births have you supported as a doula?”
and
“How have you strengthened your support skills in the past few years?”
and
“What do you think makes you an excellent support person?”
in order to get a better sense of someone’s actual support experience.
Above all, remember that in order for your doula to be the best doula for you, you should feel comfortable and safe with them.
Fit is more important than experience. And support experience is a much broader metric than some folks think it may be.
Post photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
Abby the Sociologist Doula 